The Art of Showing Up: How to Be There for Yourself and Your People

In an opinion piece for the NYT, David Brooks diagnosed that "bailing is one of the defining acts of the current moment because it stands at the nexus of so many larger trends: the ambiguity of modern social relationships, the fraying of commitments . . . the decline of civilization, the collapse of morality and the ruination of all we hold dear." When it comes to modern friendships we are woefully inept: we barely manage to show up for our own commitments, let alone be decent at maintaining relationships. And we're suffering. We're lonely, burned out, "too busy" to see our friends, and certainly don't have time to make new ones. We're living in an all-new social landscape, with new conventions on how to relate. The Art of Showing Up is a modern roadmap to true connection--with your family, your friends, and yourself. It teaches kindness, generosity, and thoughtfulness that ultimately lead to a more fulfilling life.

Author Rachel Wilkerson Miller is intimately acquainted with these modern realities, having experienced the gamut of personal and friendship (dis)connection. She offers a practical, thoughtful approach to taking better care of yourself and the people around you--whether you're currently thriving or kind of struggling. "Showing up" is noticing, processing, and responding in a way that makes the receiver (even if it's yourself) feel seen, supported, and more whole. Showing up for others begins with showing up for yourself--that is, really getting to know your needs, physical and mental health status, and practicing self-compassion.

In Part I we learn how to better show up for ourselves really get to know our interests and needs, tend to our physical and mental health, and set boundaries. It includes exercises to help you understand your personality/who you are/ and what you value, a guide to breaking up with your phone, and an overview of modern self-care. It explores the importance of hobbies (and pursuing your interests), as well as showing up for yourself when shit gets really hard (grief, unemployment, bad break-ups). Sometimes the best way we can show up for ourselves is to let other people know we're really not OK.

In Part II we learn how to better show up for your friends, family, coworkers, and community bear witness to their joy, pain, and true selves; validate their experiences; ease their load; and communicate that they are not alone in this life. These chapters explore how to make friends as an adult, how not to be a flaky friend, how to maintain long-distance relationships. It also breaks down the process of showing up: Noticing, Processing, and Responding--which includes paying enough attention to spot patterns and know when something is off. In addition, we learn how to be there for our friends when they're going through a hard time, how to own up to our mistakes in our relationships, and how to break up with friends who have become toxic to our own wellbeing.

At its heart, showing up for yourself is an essential act of self-care and showing up for others is about knowing, and then doing, whatever you can to help someone feel seen and a little bit more OK.